Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
