I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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