All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
