hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
