Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
