i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
