Where is the hickey?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
