My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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