I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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