I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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