everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
