the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
