He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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