threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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