i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
