It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
