I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
