I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
