First date: that requires underwear, huh?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
