Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
