Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
