You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
