sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
