does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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