...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
