in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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