you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
