Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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