party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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