hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
