You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
