She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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