Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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