you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
