I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
