I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
