During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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