8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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