You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
