they need to just BURY HIM!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
