Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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