dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
