hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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