Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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