Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
