remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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