I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
