But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He better not be in your backpack
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
