everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
