yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
