If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
