you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
