Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
